I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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