This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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