dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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