Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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