i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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