Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize