Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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