i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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