1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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