Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
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Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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