I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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