We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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