Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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