As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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