So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize