Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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