Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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