Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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