3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize