Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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