i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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