I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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