when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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