My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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