he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize