bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize