You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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