Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You did what with his pubic hair?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize