I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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