I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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