dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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