She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
