if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I understand Curling. That high.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
