Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize