I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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