Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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