I haven't been this sober since birth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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