just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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