She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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