what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize