remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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