im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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