the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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