He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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