Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Everything about him screamed your future.
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I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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