Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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