Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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