You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
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part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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