I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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