She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize