My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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